Who Lurks?

Ho, ho… stunning turn of events this week. My team, which was previously win-LESS in the league (doesn’t help that people keep having the highest week of EVERYONE against me, I literally feel like the Phoenix Suns) was the highest scoring team. Best of all, I took down the previously #1 team in the league and my former boss. I’ll let this clip tell the story to everyone:



Heading into the 1st bye weeks should make some more decisions come into play… and lower scores.

Alex Morgan Hottie (154) vs. Dicks Sporting Goods (137)
The good news for Brent is that he’s now the leader in the clubhouse for the Biggest Loser prize at 137.43. So umm, congrats? Team Alex Morgan, Hottie was led by outstanding performances by Hakeem Nicks and Tony Romo. Romo might be coming under fire, but win or lose, as long as he keeps putting up 28 points a week, I’m good with this. Nicks finally showed up and with a super late touchdown brought to you by the pitiful Arizona pass defense, I was able to capture the victory. Brent gave another solid run with his Tom Brady to Wes Welker combination. He also had solid showings from the rest of his receiver studs but not enough to counter what my man Frank Gore did against Philly. Brent would have beat almost everyone else this week, I still don’t feel bad.

Zapp Brannigan (143) vs. The Turd Fergusons (118)
This clip sums up how the Turd Fergusons feels.

Yes, really, Megatron was ridiculous again this week. At this point you might as well pencil in 80 yards and a couple touchdowns and go from there. Zapp continues to win with a corpse as his quarterback, something that he might want to address at some point. Turd left points on his bench with having Miles Austin in his lineup, but nothing that would have prevented Zapp from the W. Turd apparently is also holding out hope that Peyton Manning comes back at some point this year… so he’s got that going for him, which is nice? Arian Foster also finally showed up showing why Zapp spent a shitton of money on the guy in the auction.

Who Dat Nation (138) vs. One Man Gang (127)
Riding huge weeks from Matt Forte and Beanie Wells, Who Dat defeated the even point distributed One Man Gang. Brody has to feel good about his team as everyone performed relatively well, Hummel just had the big points. Matt Forte outscored 6 of his Who Dat teammates, not normally a good sign, but it worked out well this weekend. Brody is apparently having another baby, so this is a good time to take advantage of his many distractions. Just saying……..

Yankees Suck (132) vs. Heat Seeking Nipple (112)
Congrats to Aaron Rodgers for the highest week 4 fantasy output of 55.10 points. Yes, that is correct. 55.10 points. Why the Packers were airing the ball out in the 4th quarter when they were up 3 touchdowns, seems awesome to me, but probably not Curtis as that was clearly the difference maker this week. Curtis has nice weeks from Drew Breeeeeees and Eric Decker (nice pickup). But really, the difference was Aaron Rodgers, getting Joe his first win of the year… and now everyone has a W and everyone has a loss. BTW, I was too scared to youtube “heat seeking nipple” on my computer, so you’ll have to forgive me.

Goodell’s Minions (131) vs. My Vick Hurts (85)
Ironically My Vick Hurts was done in by Mike Vick this week. Actually they were done in by themselves because they put up the lowest point total of the week and generally sucked. Let’s sum up My Vick Hurts’ week: Tony Gonzalez was the only double digit point scorer at 15 points. Thanks for coming Neal. A reminder, I’m gonna need your check. Goodell’s Minions is correct, his team loves getting hurt. First Vick, now Andre Johnson. Fact is, Goodell’s peeps almost won by just Vick and his special teams. Now, it helps having Baltimore score 4 touchdowns…on defense, but still. Not a banner week for My Vick Hurts, but another win for Matt/Phil, and another star goes down for a couple of weeks.

Tebow’s Sluts (122) vs. LA Terps (119)
In the most entertaining matchup of the week, the sluts beat out the pride of Maryland. And really it all came down to Josh Freeman on Monday Night Football. Freeman put up 25.77 points, enough to get Tebow the win, and another disappointing loss for my man Noah. Has to also hurt that if Noah knew Frank Gore was going to blow up he would have started Bush or even his main man Eli Manning and would have gotten the win. This is what happens when you own Eli Manning on your fantasy football team. God hates you. Speaking of… Tebow can’t be thrilled that Mike Shanahan, the devil of fantasy football looks to be going with another running back, again. Thanks for coming to the party Tim Hightower. The sluts did get a great day from Jimmy Graham and even Michael Turner. Not sure how many more good days Turner has left, take this while you can.

And for this…I thank you.