Who Lurks?

As Marcy said ... "to the victor belong the spoils" ... and with the first week of Byes the points were down for Week 5.

And with that, I bring you (in order of least margin of victory) ...

Tebow's Sluts (126.67) over My Vick Hurts (125.80)
My Vick Hurts posted that he is hoping for a stat correction. But there wasn't much he could do about this one. Both teams played their best players and Tebow squeaked out a victory. Vick had big days from Big Ben, Mike Wallace, DeAngelo Williams, and Mason Crosby. However, Tebow has Newton, Jennings, White, Turner, Greene, and Graham all come through with double-digit points. This drops Vick to 1-4 and the bottom of Division 1 while Tebow moves to 3-2 and is tied (by record) for the top of Division 2.

Turd Fergusons (106.43) over Goodell's Minions (100.20)
Both teams entered the week 3-1. Turd overcame a 0.63 day from Orton to win. Freddy Jackson carried Turd to the top - along with AJ Green, Darren Sproles, and Akers. He even left Green-Ellis on his bench (27.40 Points) for good measure. Turd is still clinging to Peyton Manning. But Sammy Bradford is his typical starter. Meanwhile, Goodell got a solid day from Vick, Branch, McGahee, and the Cincinnati Curtain. But, 2 points combined from his two RB slots (LT and James Casey) did him in. Not much he could do about it considering byes and injuries. Both teams are looking up going forward - with Turd leading Div. 1 and Goodell tied for the lead in Div. 2. (Note: The #1 team in the league has Peyton Manning. Did I mention how much I hate Peyton Manning?)

Heat Seeking Nipple (110.17) over Zapp Brannigan (96.73)
These two teams were relying heavily on MNF. On Sunday, HSN had Brees, Davis, and JaniCOWski come through with big days. However, Jahvid Best was a Beast on MNF and that sent HSN to his 3-2 record. Meanwhile, ZB had solid days from Campbell, MegaTron, and the 49ers D - but not enough to overcome Lloyd, Heap, J. Jones^2, and Bryant. Perhaps all of those players thought it was their Bye week? Bench: ZP could have started Cassel instead of Campbell, but HSN could have done some smaller changes to overcome the difference. In any case, both teams are a respectable 3-2 headed into Week 6.

One Man Gang (114.40) over Dicks Sporting Goods (96.20)
In what was an underwhelming week for both teams, OMG used Stafford's MNF outing to pull ahead of DSG. AP was magical coming in with 30+ points, and double-digit points by Stafford, Mathews, Daniels, and Rackers lead DSG to the victory. OMG was hoping Tom Brady would get him a few more points (Brady only supplied 19.40), and he had solid days from DeSean Jackson, Ahmad Bradshaw, Wes Welker, and Gostkowski. But negative points from the Tampa Bay defense didn't help. Both teams left points on the bench - probably wouldn't have made a difference. As with the previous matchup, both teams are a respectable 3-2 headed into Week 6.

LA Terps (129.53) over Who Dat Nation (111.47)
LA Terps got 7 players in double-digits, with Bowe and Rivers leading the way. Meanwhile, Who Dat got big days (25+ points) from Matt "Pretty Boy" Schaub and Victor "One Hand" Cruz, but little help from his TE, Kicker, and Defense. Who Dat couldn't have done much with his bench, but LA Terps had Eli Manning and Marshawn Lynch in the oven. Both of these teams will need to pick it up in the coming weeks as they are sitting at 2-3 heading into Week 6.

And finally ...

Yankees Suck (137.80) over Alex Morgan Hottie (88.43)
In the battle of 1-3 teams - YS took the victory. YS didn't get anything from his waiver-wire defense (KC), but did get double-digits from Nick Novak, J. Graham, and McCoy; and Hines Ward, Garcon, and Rodgers all went for 20+. Meanwhile, AMH's core WR, TE, RB1, RB2 did well (all going for 10+), but little production from Kolb and the rest of his team led to the lowest score of the week. But YS caught AMH at a good time - as AMH had only 1 bench player (Philly Defense) that wasn't on a Bye Week. He is obviously looking forward to Tony Romo and his other studs coming back fresh in Week 6. Both teams will need to go on a winning streak as they are both tied for last (by record) in their respective divisions.