Who Lurks?

Berg won the high score this week. Which means we're in for a jacked up recap. Enjoy.


Alex Morgan Hottie 102.87 v. The Turd Furgesons 112.73

Nate Washington scored a lot of points, which means he caught the ball for a lot of yards and touchdowns. I am sure TF was happy with Hester putting up the goose egg, but it didn’t matter because, as we know, when Morales is not doing this write up, he didn’t win. Tony Romo took top honors for AMH, but sub-par/average games from the supporting cast were not enough to win. But AMH performance lately fills me with hope. Plus some other emotions which are weird and deeply confusing.

Heat Seaking Nipple 95.43 v. One Man Gang 125.30

Grankoski proves my theory that the bigger sexual deviant you are, the better you are at sports. So hang out with porn-stars and get good at sports. HSN had to be stoked with Cutler, but disappointed that his counterpart in Matt Stafford put up almost 40 fucking points. Also now, my John Clayton impression on the Cutler injury. “Jay Cutler has a broken thumb, and will have surgery on it. This means that because he has a broken thumb he won’t play for the Bears. He will play for the Bears when he doesn’t have a broken thumb anymore. But for the Bears it means Jay Cutler won’t play, so they will have to use someone who isn’t Jay Cutler to play quaterback, unless Jay Cutler plays quaterback.” ESPN, thank you for continuing to dumb down your coverage.

Yankees Suck 98.77 v. Goodell’s Minions 94.93

This was the closest matchup of the week, separated by a mere 4 points. Each team had big fat zeros from one of their players, while McGahee decided the ground was a good place for the ball to be instead of his arms, resulting in negative points for the late Phil Roggles. Hassleback going down for GM wasn’t good either, and the points that could have won the matchup for GM were lost there. Who will fill his place? Well, we know nothing about them, their language, their history or what they look like. But we can assume this. They stand for everything we don't stand for. Also they told me you guys look like dorks. YS can really attribute the victory to Aaron Rodgers being Aaron Rodgers, and Johnny Knox. Nothing outstanding from anyone else on the team.

My Vick Hurts 87.10 v. LA Terps 114.20

7 players for MVH did not live up to their projections. Hard to win when everyone decides to play below their standard. But Percy Harvin decided to take some Tylenol before the game and ended up with 18 points to lead MVH. LAT really had solid performances from half the team. The RB MJD, got some good points in an inspired performance by the Jags, which fell short. He didn’t get much from the tight end, but messing around with tight ends can’t end good, just ask anyone at Penn State. (too soon?)

Tebows ‘s Sluts 100.73 v. Who Dat Nation 118.70

SLLLLUUUTTTTT!!!!!!! Is what I would write if TS won, they didn’t so I will actually discuss this matchup. 6 players in double digit form for WDN, and the rest is history. TS couldn’t keep pace, Cam Newton attack good, Roddy White is good, Turner okay, and everyone else just sucked it up. Both of these teams lining up a game below .500 need to win big to try and win some money in the post-season.

Zapp Brannigan 126.57 v. Dicks Sporting Goods 118.00

The Zapp Brannigan finally got the high score of the week, using Brannigan’s Law. Brannigan’s law is like Brannigan’s love, hard and fast. Though I must give a big thank you to Tom Brady. Thank you for not throwing passes to Wes Welker. A single Brady/Welker TD would have ruined me, and DSG would be writing this now. I used a strategy of playing everyone on my team who did not have a bye, or was injured. In the game of chess you can never let your adversary see your pieces, so I hid Arian Foster on the bench, and bang, I win. Jim Harbaugh defense, who the fuck is Jerome Simpson, and my second favorite Scarlett Knight came up bigger than I could have wanted, overcoming a goose egg from South Beach. It was nice to see Vincent Jackson catching passes, and DSG has to be happy Phil Rivers is occasionally finding him instead of the opposing team.

Division Leaders:
D1 – The Turd Fergusons
D2 – Zapp Brannigan

Most Points For:
One Man Gang (1349.24)

Most Points Against:
Alex Morgan Hottie (1386.31)


Two weeks left before playoffs. Don’t fuck up.